4XLT

Today’s Weigh-In: 373.0 pounds
19 Days Until Goal Two
3.0 Pounds To Go

I clocked in at 372.8 yesterday, and I bumped up to 373.0 today after my cardio day on Monday. I’m not exactly thrilled, but I’ve identified my problem (so I think): large caloric meals on the road. I compensate by cutting down on my meals and caloric intake the rest of the day, combined with my recent very late nights working with equally late wake-up times. Bad news all around, but now that I’ve got that sorted out, I’ll look for the weights to start going down again.

I’m a couple pounds from the 360s. I want to see 369.4 (that way, I won’t feel like I just barely snuck into the 360s) by Memorial Day. Six days for three and a half pounds? Let’s make it happen.

Good Progress, Yet So Far Yet To Go

I’m close to seventy pounds of total weight loss so far. That’s great. You betcha.

But even so, I’m still three hundred and seventy three pounds. I’ve got over seventy pounds to go to even get under the three hundred mark. And then, it’s another fifty pounds to get to the place where I want to be. On top of all that is the looming prospect of the excess skin removal surgeries I’ve got waiting for me (which freaks me out to no end).

It’s not that I’m feeling defeatist, really. I’m not considering throwing in the tall or anything foolish like that. Simply, the overwhelming weight and size of my situation just seems to loom rather large at the moment. It’s such a huge mountain, such a long and lonely road.

Sometimes I wonder if I can really do this. Can I?

No Mountain is Insurmountable if I Keep Moving

What can I do? Nothing more than to continue to fight for every damn inch in front of me. I’ve got one hundred and twenty pounds staring me in the face right now. I will change my life. One inch at a time. One pound at a time. One ounce at a time. One minute. Moment by moment. Choice by choice.

I’m going out to earn that next pound. The next sixteen ounces. And the next sixteen after that. And after that. I refuse to be stopped until I’m stomped my way through the next one thousand nine hundred and twenty of them. In the words of Al Pacino’s character from Any Given Sunday, I’ve had enough of things being taken from me.

Possibilities. Peace of mind. Opportunities. My future. Time to go push myself through the next inch.

You know when you get old in life things get taken from you. That’s, that’s part of life. But, you only learn that when you start losing stuff. You find out that life is just a game of inches. So is football. Because in either game life or football the margin for error is so small. I mean one half step too late or to early you don’t quite make it. One half second too slow or too fast and you don’t quite catch it. The inches we need are everywhere around us. They are in every break of the game, every minute, every second.

On this team, we fight for that inch. On this team, we tear ourselves, and everyone around us to pieces for that inch. We claw with our finger nails for that inch. ‘Cause we know when we add up all those inches that’s going to make the fucking difference between WINNING and LOSING, between LIVING and DYING!

I’ll tell you this: in any fight, it is the guy who is willing to die who is going to win that inch. And I know if I am going to have any life anymore it is because, I am still willing to fight, and die for that inch because that is what living is. The six inches in front of your face.