4XLT

Today’s Weigh-In: 334.6 pounds
Total Weight Lost: 105.4 pounds
Days Till Next Mini-Goal: 19
Next Mini-Goal Weight: 330
Pounds To Go: 4.6

In my life, I’ve had two girl friends offer to hook me up with one of their friends. Both of those instances, oddly enough, have happened within the last year and a half.

The first time involved a a sister-like friend of mine who is a devious schemer. When my friend’s friend and I finally met up for coffee, I discovered that she was a pretty big girl herself ( as my friend had told me honestly and up-front, as I’m sure she described me to her).

This person was, in all fairness, pretty cool, but nothing came of it as neither one of us was really feeling it.

Then, this past weekend, I ended up hanging out with a bunch of relative strangers / new friends (long,long story that involved friends of friends of friends). When one of these girls found out that I was single, she then asked if I wanted her to hook me up with a good friend of hers.

She ended up being a big girl, too. Apart from the physical attraction dynamic, her personality was not one to mesh with mine very well (especially when she tried grinding with me – awkward!).

So, there’s my two stories of meddling, matchmaking friends. I don’t think it’s an accident or coincidence at all that both girls I was hooked up with were big (like me).

Hey! You’re Overweight and Single, So Is She!

In no way, shape, or form do I consider my friends to have been malicious or anything, this drive seems to come from a more subconscious or at least, never verbalized, level:

Hey, I’ll hook up my awesome, cool friend who is fat and chronically single with this other fat and always single person! They’re both overweight, so they should be fine with that in each other – and besides they’re both cool people. They’d be great for one another!

Well meaning as it is, it just strikes me as very patronizing and insulting. Can’t say I blame them or anyone who’s done the same thing, though. The logic seems to make sense on the surface, after all.

I am incredibly flattered and happy when a friend wants to hook me up with someone she knows. It’s encouraging that you’ve met some intangible “is this person safe, sane, and cool” criteria to even have the offer made.

But the question I really want to ask is this: why can’t they hook me up with one of your hot friends?? Well, it’s probably because I’m not a “hot friend” to be hooked up with.

I mentioned this line of thought back in March in my 440 Pound Woman post. I wouldn’t date a 440 pound woman (or, 334 pound woman, now), so why should I expect any girl to do the same for me? I don’t – not, at least, anymore.

Not Just A Great Personality

I’m the guy that girls explain to their friends as having a “great personality.” I mean, I do have a flipping great personality and all, but consider this following exchange:

Girl A: You should totally meet my friend Will. He’s really cool. He’s… pretty tall, like six-four. He’s got such an awesome personality and is fun to hang out with.

Girl B: Oh, okay, that’s cool. Is he pretty cute?

A: Uh, yeah. He’s not bad looking, such a cool guy, though.

B: Oh. … Is he, like… athletic? You know, in shape? … He’s not a fattie is he?

A: Well, I mean, he’s a pretty big guy. Just big, you know, some meat on his bones…

B: Ew, gross.

A: C’mon! I’m telling you, he’s such a blast to hang out with. You really should meet him!

B: I’m not sure…

Don’t get me wrong here: personality is absolutely key. A completely average looking guy can be with a girl provided he can bluster his way in with enough bravado and confidence (regardless of whatever girls say about just wanting a “nice guy”). Confidence and self-assuredness is the number one trait a guy can have to be attractive to women.

But with that said, the dynamic of physical attraction can’t be ignored. Good looks and a good body are still important. I don’t have much going for me in the good looks department (let me make a list: bad & crooked teeth, big off-center nose, small beady eyes, freaky skin condition, etc), so what I’ve got to work with has to be my body.

And as this whole blog testifies to, my body isn’t much of anything worth getting hot and bothered by right now. So for the time being, getting healthy and strong is mission critical.

I don’t want to be the fat friend with a great personality for the rest of my life! I don’t have to be the fat guy. I am learning that from a purely physiological perspective these past few months. But the concept of being cute or having a girl be attracted to me is something that just boggles my mind still.

No Girls Right Now For Me

I put myself out there and got shot down by a girl I took out on some dates back in December. Recently, I really invested emotionally (more than I admitted or realized) in a girl whom I traveled to visit in northern California. I thought this time might be different; it wasn’t. The whole visit was a train wreck. I’ve spent the last several weeks moving on and pretending it never happened.

As the fat friend with the great personality, let me fully admit to putting some major, major walls up inside and getting back into the routine of being by myself for right now.

Would I love to be in a relationship? Do I still want to get married? Yeah, all that stuff, but let’s be honest – it’s not happening right now (see the 440 Pound Woman Principle). So, I’m going to do my best to quit getting hopes and dreams up and thinking about all that stuff.

For the foreseeable future, it’s Will and no one else in a battle to the death with the ghosts of his pasts and the specters who want to steal his future.

For the record, if any of of you try to hook me up with your friends after reading all this, I will headbutt you.* Very hard. Without warning. No questions asked.

* If your friend’s cute and cool, well, I may be able to make an exception.