4XLT

Today’s Weigh In: 307.8 poundsNext Goal: 299.8 pounds
Pounds to Go: 8.0 pounds
Days to Go: 4

I seriously don’t know what’s going on here. It seems that ever since I decided I’d go back to losing weight the healthy way that my weight has been steadily going up.

Today’s another head scratcher as I’m up a full pound from yesterday. My food was fine yesterday. I was spot on calorie wise throughout the day. After work, I had an Italian sausage sandwich with a friend, but I didn’t eat my final night meal of the day because of that and I was at the gym for a particularly nasty (and painful, still being sore from weight training the day prior) cardio session of HIIT and rowing. I’m still hobbling around sore today, which is plenty of fun. Or not.

Clocking in a pound heavier is just frustrating and disappointing. At this point, I don’t know if I’ll hit my sub-300 goal by my birthday.Frankly, I am really tempted to go back to my caloric super-deficit diet-only weight loss method, because I was at least seeing results there. At the very least, doing it for the next four days until my birthday to see if I can make an all out sprint to the mythical land of the 200s. I just don’t know.

Granted, I’d probably throw a couple pounds back on in a rebound, and that’s not the best idea for the long time. However, it’d be nice to hit a goal for the first time in a few months instead of just pushing it back, like I’ve done with this 300 mark three separate times (January 1, January 31, and now March 24).

Today’s not a workout day, but I’m scheduled to go back to the gym tomorrow (Saturday) for my second round of weightlifting. If I post another gain, or even just stick at 307.8, tomorrow, I think I’m gonna go nuts.

Today’s Weigh In: 306.8 poundsNext Goal: 299.8 pounds
Pounds to Go: 7.0 pounds
Days to Go: 5

Up a pound and a half. I don’t know what to say or how to react here.

My nutrition was spot on yesterday. I drank plenty of water. I went to the gym and worked my way through everything (although I’m going to go through a week of 4×5 sets to ease back into my normal 4×6 routine). I pushed hard. I even finished up with my dumbbell swings at the end of everything.

And today I wake up a pound and a half heavier.

My only thought at this point is that I must have really worked my muscles over (I’m really feeling it in my quads, hammies, traps, and biceps this morning), and so I must be retaining some water – a lot of water – while my muscles rebuild themselves.

Sigh.

Today’s Weigh In: 305.4 poundsNext Goal: 299.8 pounds
Pounds to Go: 4.6 pounds
Days to Go: 6

After admission yesterday, my uptick in weight shouldn’t come as a surprise. I know it wasn’t for me this morning.

I ended up staying at my friends’ house chatting and playing with their boxer Wesley a lot later than I had planned and didn’t get home until 10:15. I was already reeling from two late nights the days prior, so I simply made the decision to count the day as lost and try to catch up with a full night’s sleep. How odd is it, then, that with seven and a half hours sleep last night I’m struggling through today much more than the past two days with about five to five and a half hours sleep each night?

Beats me. But this one thing I’m pretty sure about – a full night’s rest isn’t just a luxury. It’s important and vital to your body’s natural weight loss work.

Nutrition today has been spot on. I’m about to head home, and when I do, I’m cooking up a ton of chicken, mushrooms, sweet potatoes, and onions. After that, I’m gonna relax for a bit and get to the gym at 8:00.

Mental Inspiration

One of my favorite quotes in the whole wide world comes from a powerlifter and strength coach named Dave Tate (it’s that “ou really don’t f***ing care enough” one). The guy is basically a crazy maniac who possesses a godly ammount of self determination, focus, and willpower. And insanity, I’m pretty much sure.

So, I took a look at one of my favorite strength training / body building / nutrition / supplement websites, T-Nation and was happy to run across a two part article set by Dr. John Berardi. They detail Dr. John’s experiment on getting Dave to get healthy and lose some weight after beefing up for some heavy powerlifting.

I highly suggest going to check them out:

1. Dave Tate Project, Part 1
2. Dave Tate Project, Part 2

Visual Stimulation

I’ve mentioned it only in passing before, and I won’t be mentioning it in depth today (maybe tomorrow), but I have a big sheet of paper on my bedroom wall where I right out quotes, weigh ins, and put up various photos. I call it my “Great Wall of Defiance” and use it as a way to get pumped up.

As you can imagine following yesterday, the Wall has pretty much faded into the scenery of my bedroom over the past couple of months. But when I pay attention to it, what I read there really gets me amped up before I go to the gym. I think it’s a good tip I’ve found – stimulating myself with quotes, pictures of in shape guys, and photos of my very fat self.

I’ve also got a collection of inspiring videos I’ve collected from the internet, ranging from a whole herd of rugby commercials to a recent pair I stumbled across courtesy of the Travel Channel’s YouTube Channel featuring NFL player Dhani Jones.

Dhani Jones lifting and tossing a pretty big hunk of rock:

Dhani Jones’ Muay Thai training:

I look at that guy’s physique and get both really jealous and inspired all at the same time.

He’s not freakishly ripped, but he’s trim, athletic, and muscled up well. I’ll get there one day, but before I start packing on muscle, I need to blast off all this fat. I start that again tonight.

Today’s Weigh In: 304.0 poundsNext Goal: 299.8 pounds
Pounds to Go: 4.2 pounds
Days to Go: 7

I have an ugly confession to make today. Writing this weight loss blog, sometimes I feel the need to come off rather well – like I’m successful in my weight loss and life change efforts, that I know what the hell I’m talking about, that I’m able to do exactly what I say I’ll do.

This is not one of those times.I may have gotten back into losing weight the past couple of days, but I’ve been doing it in a completely unhealthy, unsustainable, and ultimately wrong way.

1. I Ignore Sound Nutritional Science

Everywhere you read will tell you about the importance of multiple small meals throughout the day. Have I been doing that? No.

Honestly, I’ve been going on a mini-binge and starve mode the past week (nothing crazy, so don’t read into that too much). I’ll go a bit overboard one day on my food – not by much, but enough to add weight and not maintain or lose. So the following day, I’ll severely restrict my nutritional intake to try and compensate. This is especially the case when I get home from work. I might have a few handfuls of almonds and call it good.

You can’t argue with the numbers, as I keep dropping the pounds, but it’s a horrible way to do it. And as I type this, it’s after I blew through my caloric totals at a business lunch at Red Robin and had two cupcakes at an office party (I’m pretty full of crap). So, if I wasn’t going over to some friends’ house to have dinner and play with their dog, I’d be pulling the handful of almonds trick again tonight.

My nutrition (or lack thereof) is so dagum important because…

2. I Constantly Skip Out on the Gym

I can count on my two hands (plus maybe an extra thumb) the number of times I’ve been to the gym this entire year. Forcing your body into hard work stimulates your metabolism and causes muscle growth. Both of these things are vital for effective fat loss. But I haven’t been doing that.

I’ve been taking it on easy street. Real easy street. I’m talking never hit the weights easy street.

3. I Don’t Work Hard

With two or three exceptions, I haven’t done any weight training this year. I only do cardio. Why? Simple: it’s easier. It’s quicker. It’s less of a commitment. I might feel worse off after a hard cardio session, but I’m in an out within half an hour. Add to that I don’t have to worry about protein (and thereby fixing food or buying some) right after I wrap up exercising.

If I want to go into the gym and go through my weight training program, I’ve got to pack up my bag, grab my note book, and work my ass off for an hour. Sure, an hour doesn’t sound like much, but at the end of my squats (oh wait, I haven’t done a single set of those this year), power cleans, or dumbbell tosses, I’m pretty much hating life and myself all in one sweaty package.

There’s no real excuse or explanation other than…

4. It Boils Down to me Being Lazy

Really, all of this boils down to me just being lazy. I think Dave Tate sums it up pretty well:

“The truth is that you may not have what it takes, you may not be committed enough, you may not have the discipline, you may not put in enough effort, you might not work hard enough, you do not believe in yourself, you’re full of excuses, you get distracted too easy. To wrap it up in one statement: you really don’t f***ing care enough.”

During this whole health and weight loss journey I’ve been on the past year, I’ve tried to pride myself on this new concept of actually caring about myself. Not in some overtly vain way (although I’ll freely admit to aspirations of vanity on day when I’ve earned the right to be proud about my body), but just in the sense that I’m finally starting to give a damn about myself and myself and being proactive about who I want to become and what I want my life to be.

But here I am, looking objectively at the how’s and why’s of my life, and I come to the angering realization that there is nothing in my life since I lost 100 pounds back in August that shows I really care. And that really, really pisses me off.

Screw This

Guys, I could talk about how I’ll change and all of that till I’m blue in my face. That won’t get me anywhere.

I could bottle it all up and just keep maintaining in the low 300s. I’m still a fat guy. I’m still not where I want to be.

The only way I’ll change is if I shut my mouth. I’ve got to go out and prove it in the gym and in the kitchen. I can’t just wait and say “I’ll change starting tomorrow.” That’s a weakling’s answer. I’m starting right now.

I can’t change my crappy food choices this afternoon, and I’m not going to overly starve myself tonight trying to compensate or quasi-punish myself. But, I am going to restart my basic meal plan and give myself one off day and one off evening between tomorrow and my birthday.

Beginning tonight and through this weekend, I will:

1. Go to the gym tonight and go through 15 minutes of HIIT on the elliptical and 10 minutes on the rower.
2. Go to the gym Wednesday and restart my weight training routine. I will not back out of the hard lifts for the sake of time or comfort.
3. Go to the gym Thursday and go through my cardio progression.
4. Go to the gym Saturday and go through my second set of weight training.

Help!

If you’re reading this, and I don’t do exactly what I say, please mock me. Call me names. Seriously. Gentle encouragement doesn’t cut it for me. If we’re friends in real life, please feel free to call or email or text and randomly check up and/or hassle me.

I’m tired of being the fat guy. It’s time to get back in the chase not just for a measly 300, but to set my sights on the elusive 240 this year.

Today’s Weigh In: 306.6 pounds
Next Goal: 299.8 pounds
Pounds to Go: 6.8 pounds
Days to Go: 8

Saw a spike in my weigh ins this morning, but I’m not surprised as I went a bit carb happy yesterday. Not too much at all really, but combined with the fact that my caloric totals the past two days were really low (moreso by accident then by any super-diet plan, especially so on Saturday – “Oh, it’s two already? Crap, I probably should eat something. … What? It’s ten at night? No wonder I’m hungry.”), the spike in carbohydrates and calories made my body really react.

I suspect things will be back on track with my weigh-in tomorrow. If I hit 305.4 on Tuesday morning, I’ll be right where I need to be for my original daily goal of 0.8 pounds a day lost to hit 299.8 by my birthday.

Short Shorts

For the past couple of weeks / month or two, I’ve been back wearing size 42s for the first time since high school. It’s been a great feeling, but I’m definitely not satisfied there. Not by a long shot.

This weekend, I was talking to my mom, and she suggested that I go buy some shorts – and she’d pay! How could I say no? Spring is right around the corner, and I have already given away all my pairs of too large size 50 shorts months ago. I was left shortless!

So, I went up to the JC Penny’s and started looking for shorts (thanks, Mom). I found a couple I liked, but thought I might give the size 40s a try. They fit! Holy crap, I was pumped! Now, I’m only one size away from the Shangri-La of pants sizes that start with the number 3. How’s that for motivation?

And to top it off, I dropped by Eddie Bauer to check on shirts and ended up grabbing an XL Tall – that’s right, just one Extra in front of the Large – polo (which I am coincidentally wearing today). The shirt, though, was not as big an ego boost, as I’m sure that Eddie Bauer shirts much just run large or something.

Life & Work Uncertainty Continues

There’s still been no word about when the layoffs are going to hit at work, which is both a good and bad thing. I’m thrilled to still be employed right now, even though I see the end coming soon. Part of the anxiety is just the uncertainty of not knowing when I’ll be let go. Everything seems really nebulous right now, and I hate that feeling.

The plan is to upload things to Flickr and Behance (nothing uploaded on Behance yet, though) tonight after work. After that, I’ll continue working on updating my portfolio. I can create concepts for client work pretty easily (most of the time), but settling on things for myself is always so hard,a s I’ll nitpick things to death, mock up a design half way, and then start all over again.

Once that’s done, I’ll go about updating my resume and begin the job hunt in earnest along with looking for some freelance jobs in the meantime.

Your prayers would be really appreciated, gotta be honest.