4XLT

Today’s Weigh-In: 314.0 pounds

You ever have one of those times where you cannot come up with a blog title (or even much in the way of purposeful content), but you want to make sure you write something anyway? Yeah, this is one of those times. So, tonight you get to enjoy a Will Ferrell quote for a title and a little bit of random stream of consciousness writing.

Here we go!

So, it’s been five/four days since I wrote my little I’m Back for the Fifteen Time blurb. Yep. Well I’m still back, and this week was one of highs and lows. Moreso, super rock and roll highs and bleh mediocrity. Sure, I’m down almost three pounds and should be happy about that. I definitely am, because the three or four pounds a week mark is what I’m going for, but let me put it in perspective: I was doing to 310.8 this week before launching back up into the mid teens.

I hit things hard and strong the first three days, eating right and going to the gym every night and killing myself with HIIT and the rowing machine. On a philosophical bent for a second, I really think that for one of the very rare times in my life that I’ve positively physically given 99% to something: while pushing through my 100 calorie blast on the rowing machine after my HIIT routine (takes about 6-7 minutes). I’m at 91-2 calories, and I decide to go all out, as hard as I can without stopping until I hit the 100 mark. Not just hard, but all out. Completely I row as hard as I can for about 16 rows and it tears me apart. I’m gasping for air, but it was such an awesome hardcore sorta moment.

But truthfully, isn’t that the way I should be training every time I go to the gym?

But things go from awesome on Friday morning to a quagmire of bleh over the weekend. I don’t make any outrageous mistakes, but a number of smaller ones all started to add up and let to me throwing three pounds back on. Beer. French fries. Not watching my calories. Et cetera. Same ole story you all from heard from me this whole freaking year.

It was really a pretty weird weekend, mentally, to be completely honest (and what’s the point of having a weight loss / life transformation blog like this and not being honest?). It seems like every time I hung out with people (Friday night, Saturday night, and Sunday night), I started sliding so quick back into the old Will mode. I’m talking old school, high school Will. Super insecure and melancholic Will. I was in such a weird funk I went up and butchered my karaoke songs horribly. Totally bad. I’m not sure I’ve really got a grasp on what the heck’s going on there with this weirdness, and I’m not one to wear real personal thoughts on my sleeve, so that’s pretty much all I’ll say on that subject.

Ended up driving around a lot of western Washington Saturday. I saw Mt. Rainier for the first time, and that was really cool. all in all it was a really, really nice drive, but I’ve got to be honest, it really sucked to send out a whole host of text messages looking for a day trip parter and to then hit the road solo. I know people have stuff going on and it was a spur of the moment thing, but still. As awesome as the Cascades and big mountains and cool streams and everything can be, it can get lonely at times.

But that, again, is all stuff I’m not willing to open up about to most folks at any depth, much less the whole interwebz. Don’t want Obama and/or the CIA to get the wrong impression of me in case I get that secret agent position I applied for.

But I will say, in a lot of my driving and the thinking about life/future that this funk I’ve been in this weekend have spawned, it got me thinking about some de facto realities in my life that I’m going to have to get a hold of and make peace with. One of them that’s public enough for me to give an example here is making peace with the fact that I’m one ugly piece of gristle.

Yeah, yeah, I know a lot of people say it and whatever, but it both cracks me up and pisses me off at the same time when non-ugly folks give me that line. Especially girls, but I’ll mostly let it slide because you’re girls. But I’ve got some halfway to very studdly amigos (in a completely hetero way) that like to spout off that line every once in a while. I’m just like, what?? Really?? Dude (and, girl!), have you freaking seen me lately? Have you seen the giant dark and rough patches on my face that my shitty lifestyle has gotten me stuck with (for those who are wondering the dark splotches all over my face are a condition called Acanthosis Nigricans – it’s a pre-diabetic / insulin resistance skin condition that I picked up when I started getting really heavy in about 2004. From what I read, most of the time it goes away, but mine never did.) You have no idea how freaking self conscious I am about them. Really. At to that the man boobs and my bad teeth, and well, you get the picture. But at least I’m able to work on the man boobs. Heh. Really, that’s my only hope and basic game plan here in all this: I’ll never be decent looking, but at least one day, when/if I work hard, I can have a pretty damn good body (although I’m not looking forward to the skin reduction surgeries after another 70 pounds. Not at all).

But holy crap, I totally sounded like a chick there, so I’m going to go bench press a small car and fart and check some football message boards and grow a beard and stroke my chest hair and admire picture of pretty ladies in bikinis and nod in approval at the food in my fridge (diet pop, leftovers, some beer, cooked up and stored chicken and sweet potatos, and swiss cheese) to regain some man points. Be right back…

Okay, I’m back. Sweet.

But the point I’m trying to make about my amazingly hot male model looks is simply this: I can get all insecure about my fugliness, cry tears in my beers, and mentally freak out and/or get sully when I’m around my better looking buds, or I can just man the eff up, realize that there is abolutely nothing at all I can do about my looks, toughen up, and move on, which leads into more rambling sorta stuff about life and whatnot that I’m just keeping close to the chest (which I’m doing a lot of these days – not real sure why I’m writing that I’m not telling you all things in the blog here, but hey, it goes with the rambling theme of this entry!).

On a good note, I’m wearing size 40 pants now – HOLY CRAP. I’m officially in smaller pants than I was in high school. And now I absolutely cannot wait to start wearing pants that start with the number 3. I know it’s crazy to some of you, but it’ll be a mind trip for me. Just you wait.

And with that, I conclude my most odd, rambling blog post yet. Hope you enjoyed.

Today’s Weigh-In: 316.8 pounds

Got pissed off and feeling entitled, so I wasted the last two weeks. Which is bunk. But now I’m back (again, for the fifteenth time or so), and I’m going to see if I can make it longer than two weeks this go around.

At the gym and stayed mostly away from high sodium foods. Other than that, food was okay, calorically and nutritionally (but not great). We’ll see tomorrow morning.

Today’s Weigh In: 307.8 poundsNext Goal: 299.8 pounds
Pounds to Go: 8.0 pounds
Days to Go: 4

I seriously don’t know what’s going on here. It seems that ever since I decided I’d go back to losing weight the healthy way that my weight has been steadily going up.

Today’s another head scratcher as I’m up a full pound from yesterday. My food was fine yesterday. I was spot on calorie wise throughout the day. After work, I had an Italian sausage sandwich with a friend, but I didn’t eat my final night meal of the day because of that and I was at the gym for a particularly nasty (and painful, still being sore from weight training the day prior) cardio session of HIIT and rowing. I’m still hobbling around sore today, which is plenty of fun. Or not.

Clocking in a pound heavier is just frustrating and disappointing. At this point, I don’t know if I’ll hit my sub-300 goal by my birthday.Frankly, I am really tempted to go back to my caloric super-deficit diet-only weight loss method, because I was at least seeing results there. At the very least, doing it for the next four days until my birthday to see if I can make an all out sprint to the mythical land of the 200s. I just don’t know.

Granted, I’d probably throw a couple pounds back on in a rebound, and that’s not the best idea for the long time. However, it’d be nice to hit a goal for the first time in a few months instead of just pushing it back, like I’ve done with this 300 mark three separate times (January 1, January 31, and now March 24).

Today’s not a workout day, but I’m scheduled to go back to the gym tomorrow (Saturday) for my second round of weightlifting. If I post another gain, or even just stick at 307.8, tomorrow, I think I’m gonna go nuts.

Today’s Weigh In: 306.8 poundsNext Goal: 299.8 pounds
Pounds to Go: 7.0 pounds
Days to Go: 5

Up a pound and a half. I don’t know what to say or how to react here.

My nutrition was spot on yesterday. I drank plenty of water. I went to the gym and worked my way through everything (although I’m going to go through a week of 4×5 sets to ease back into my normal 4×6 routine). I pushed hard. I even finished up with my dumbbell swings at the end of everything.

And today I wake up a pound and a half heavier.

My only thought at this point is that I must have really worked my muscles over (I’m really feeling it in my quads, hammies, traps, and biceps this morning), and so I must be retaining some water – a lot of water – while my muscles rebuild themselves.

Sigh.

Today’s Weigh In: 305.4 poundsNext Goal: 299.8 pounds
Pounds to Go: 4.6 pounds
Days to Go: 6

After admission yesterday, my uptick in weight shouldn’t come as a surprise. I know it wasn’t for me this morning.

I ended up staying at my friends’ house chatting and playing with their boxer Wesley a lot later than I had planned and didn’t get home until 10:15. I was already reeling from two late nights the days prior, so I simply made the decision to count the day as lost and try to catch up with a full night’s sleep. How odd is it, then, that with seven and a half hours sleep last night I’m struggling through today much more than the past two days with about five to five and a half hours sleep each night?

Beats me. But this one thing I’m pretty sure about – a full night’s rest isn’t just a luxury. It’s important and vital to your body’s natural weight loss work.

Nutrition today has been spot on. I’m about to head home, and when I do, I’m cooking up a ton of chicken, mushrooms, sweet potatoes, and onions. After that, I’m gonna relax for a bit and get to the gym at 8:00.

Mental Inspiration

One of my favorite quotes in the whole wide world comes from a powerlifter and strength coach named Dave Tate (it’s that “ou really don’t f***ing care enough” one). The guy is basically a crazy maniac who possesses a godly ammount of self determination, focus, and willpower. And insanity, I’m pretty much sure.

So, I took a look at one of my favorite strength training / body building / nutrition / supplement websites, T-Nation and was happy to run across a two part article set by Dr. John Berardi. They detail Dr. John’s experiment on getting Dave to get healthy and lose some weight after beefing up for some heavy powerlifting.

I highly suggest going to check them out:

1. Dave Tate Project, Part 1
2. Dave Tate Project, Part 2

Visual Stimulation

I’ve mentioned it only in passing before, and I won’t be mentioning it in depth today (maybe tomorrow), but I have a big sheet of paper on my bedroom wall where I right out quotes, weigh ins, and put up various photos. I call it my “Great Wall of Defiance” and use it as a way to get pumped up.

As you can imagine following yesterday, the Wall has pretty much faded into the scenery of my bedroom over the past couple of months. But when I pay attention to it, what I read there really gets me amped up before I go to the gym. I think it’s a good tip I’ve found – stimulating myself with quotes, pictures of in shape guys, and photos of my very fat self.

I’ve also got a collection of inspiring videos I’ve collected from the internet, ranging from a whole herd of rugby commercials to a recent pair I stumbled across courtesy of the Travel Channel’s YouTube Channel featuring NFL player Dhani Jones.

Dhani Jones lifting and tossing a pretty big hunk of rock:

Dhani Jones’ Muay Thai training:

I look at that guy’s physique and get both really jealous and inspired all at the same time.

He’s not freakishly ripped, but he’s trim, athletic, and muscled up well. I’ll get there one day, but before I start packing on muscle, I need to blast off all this fat. I start that again tonight.